if by chance
Have you ever developed a crush on someone you have never met? or maybe just once, in passing, maybe they served you at a cafe or that person you see everyday on the way to work, perhaps you have walked past them on the street many times because they live in the same area, haunt the same destinations or in this ever increasing digital world you might have happened upon them in the digital realm.
I do it all the time
Often its just a fleeting interest but sometimes it is ongoing, lasting for some time. However it is very rare that i will make it much more than that by attempting to converse or otherwise engage in an interaction with the object of my desire. Sometimes i am sure this is a good thing but then i wonder how many people also find themselves in this situation and how many of these tend to be mutual without either party even realising, falling into the ever attractive trap of self deprecation, berating themselves for thinking that this person might have even noticed them.
Recent situations and discussions i have had with different people
Words to live by….
I caught this one at a recent exhibition and found it vaguely pertinent.
As for me, times they are a changin’. The past week has been a crazy ride of super awesome (you know that one is just for you) and absolutely rock bottom but, as always, positivity prevails!
There has (and continues to be) a series of excellent cultural events and openings and this coming week will see a new one night only exhibition that i am taking part in. In the lead up to this i have spent the past two days creating a series of paintings (which are actually for another future exhibition) and show no real signs of stopping.
At the moment its all about great friends, new friends, family, art-making and downhill.
….and let me say thanks to the haters, after the fall you just make me stronger, i look to the future but live in the now
Arm me with harmony
Had a pretty good day out today ripping this little number with dwindling supplies, overall happy with the result.
The deaths head goat skull is beginning to be the 2012 mascot for me but i am still relying on the shift of the financial year, couple weeks to go now. In painting this one i had a number of people come past expressing interest, taking photos and even asking about commissions. Perhaps the best moment came at the end of the day when a wedding party stopped by to get photos in front of the work. At first it was questionable as an appropriate image for such a union but they soon warmed to it. If only they knew how appropriate it was…
I guess it is interesting that whilst the symbology for me marks the end of a major time in my life and a terribly stressful and heart wrenching time, this should also be seen as a new beginning. This particular painting is a return to a style that i had not been engaging with a lot lately but after a conversation with a friend last night i was inspired to get back to it. So this is a resurrection and new beginning on many levels for me, the omen of the wedding procession could also be a great sign for both me and the couple who have just embarked on their own journey of togetherness.
When they completed their photos i wished them well…
‘I hope it turns out better than mine’
ten positive things for the now:
1/ A sculptural work in progress which is to be shown at exhibition at the end of the month
2/ A big exhibition opportunity i am working on to be shown in November
3/ Friends and family
4/ Spacious, affordable, well located accommodation
5/ Four birthday cakes in my birthday week (see 3/ Friends and family)
6/ All the other fish in the sea
7/ Steady employment and the subsequent pay
8/ You the reader
9/ Forgiveness (well im working on it)
Because positivity is the only thing keeping us all from swinging….
DONT FUCK YOUR IDOLS!
I painted this in the rain today, hence the reason that it kinda sucks but im not in a space where editing plays high on my schedule, so enjoy the the pitfalls as much as the windfalls….
Lately i have had a few interactions that have pointed towards the ideas of idolisation and infatuation on very different levels of course. So i have been thinking about this in relation to my life and particularly recent chapters in the unfolding saga.
Recently i was out with friends in a typically unnecessary nightclub setting (you tend to do a lot of that when you are young and single and then again when you are old and emotionally decapitated), when a young guy approached me for a lighter. Upon my negative reply he made reference to an old pseudonym to which i shot him a quizzical look and questioned prior knowledge of him. The reply that followed began with ‘you dont know me but i know you and you are the best painter in’ town. Sometimes i think if idolisation were legal tender i would be a very rich guy (locally at least).
Then last night i was at a party with totally separate groups of friends and a comment was made about my apparent popularity or ‘don’ like status amongst some of the attendees (mind you, i couldnt really see it…well most of it anyway). It was then outlined to me that i should avoid getting involved with someone who places me on a pedestal as it would be doomed for disaster. In the afore mentioned setting, my opinion was that there was no danger of this at all.
However a recent relationship that i was party to definitely smacked of this very scenario and sure enough, it could not have been a bigger disaster if i had calculated it on a carefully constructed set of blueprints. This person set me up for a major fall through a simple use of words and promises, insisting that it was love and a lifetime commitment to grow old together and all that romantic stuff that guys use to get into a girls pants. Perhaps i should have seen through the ‘im just waiting for you to realise that im not good enough and leave me for someone better’…once the set up had been laid and i had mentally/emotionally been elevated i then had the rug pulled out from under me, then thrown over me so as to prevent bruising from the subsequent beating with an iron bar. Instead of waiting for me to leave like she had said, she chose to make a pre-emptive strike and leave me for someone else and keep me in the dark about the whole thing….funny that.
Idolisation, infatuation and words, power plays but perhaps it was really my own ego brutalising me
Recent crazy events in no particular order:
– Big city art show followed by local late night with a couple of irishmen.
– Last minute invite and subsequent attendance at multi-generational hip hop gig
– Referred to as Kenickie
– Yum Cha in the middle of nowhere
– Seemingly seamless reunion with my son
– Completed this inspired mural <— (you get the reference?)
and now i will most likely spend my birthday riding the free bus and hanging out at the park playing on swings….i think i may be getting my swagger back so you may or may not be able to look forward to a return to good form on the blog…not promising anything, just a gut feeling.
The endless barrage seems to just keep on coming and so do these boring ass blog posts….i hope to bring you something interesting soon but until then you will have to suffice with ye olde doorway!
I am currently restricted to only two days a week which is actually less when you take into account the loose drop off time on a sunday morning, could be early, could be late, just depends on the feeling on the other end. This is further restricted on a whim when i am restricted to one day with supervision or a half hour viewing and then nothing…and all because i foolishly gave my all.
Honesty, Trust, Love….yeah lame
Hard times continue gentle readers…..
A lone escalator leading into and away from a train platform, one side leads up to carry people away from the warmth of the underground only to spit them out onto the cold savage streets above, the other draws victims from above, dragging them into the claustrophobic underground where hurtling carriages swallow them up and carry them off into the dark.
SO what is next? looks like yer damned if ya do and damned if ya dont, it was never supposed to be this difficult but thanks for giving up so easily….